Editing Binge

This is one of those obligatory posts that adored sites make from time to time giving a reason why there has been a week without any new entertainment for the eager-eyed kiddies (the 18+ grown-up type who will jump in the first van that is handing out candy regardless of the warnings given by their parents when they were younger).

This past week I have been focusing on completing the video editing of my second high quality movie powerhour; in this case dubbed “The Movie Powerhour Vol.2 – The Tough Two” (and previously “T.M.Ph.Vol.1 – One Man Down”).  If you didn’t know what a powerhour is, then, realistically, you should have already Google’d it by the time you finished reading that last sentence (and no, I didn’t provide you with any quick-links because that’s more work on my part and I’m tired as it is).  Each of these compilation videos takes me a long time to edit to perfection, about 5 hours a night, so I haven’t had the available creative time to dedicate to either making a new post or finding another chapter from my book to re-read, edit, and post.

I can’t leave you all with nothing though.  I can’t have a post that says nothing more than how I haven’t made any other posts recently.  AND I MISSED IT!  I wasn’t even aware that For Better GENiUS had reached it’s 1 year mark on Feb 17th.  Congratulations, me.  I’d like to give myself more than a pat on the back because that’s the minimalist approach of apathetic friends.  6,459 FBG site views within one year as of this sentence being documented in history (until the second Dark Ages come when the internet is erased… that’s probably what the next Dr. Evil is planning for world domination).  Obviously I’d like that site counter and follower number to grow exponentially, but we can’t all be interested in my precious ramblings (actually, you can be; don’t let me fool you).

For the moment, you need to take this opportunity to revisit where FBG all started before I became President led through my Common Sense Party.  Sorry.  Sometimes I get the future and past mixed up.  You’ll experience it soon enough; just give it time.

Corn Chunks

From this post title, I feel a wave of images drifting across my eyes from a cereal brand that may a) make me throw up, b) make that floating brown with gold specs, c) really after that last one I made my brain stop trying to think.

Now that none of us are hungry in the slightest, have you ever had fresh corn cut off of the cob?  If you’ve never had corn on the cob in your own kitchen, then I guess it makes sense that you maybe haven’t had witnessed it being cut off.

For some people that might have trouble remembering this textural nature of cutting corn off it’s cob, here’s a visual image for you:

ooooo that's gonna be a gooooooood one *orgasm moaning sounds* *???????* *really?*

Hold the corn cob vertical on a plate or bowl or the floor if you prefer, then simply use a knife (it’s easier than bending it to your will) and cut straight down about 4 or 5 times all the way around the cob until all the precious kernels are off.

Now that you might be with me, you’ve noticed how not all the corn cuts off in individual kernels right?  See how some decided to stick to each other in little square or rectangular groups like parents that desperately are clinging to their children as Hitler demands the little ones be separated?  Wow, that’s a kind of messed up dinner situation.

Time to eat.  Doesn’t a spoon with a good sized square of corn (see picture above) taste better than a spoon full of just individual corn?  I know I’m not the only one… let me know.

Taylor Swift’s Dark Secret

I saw an image today that shocked me back to my childhood.  To days where Jim Henson’s Muppet stylings took a child’s mind from colors and wonder to twisted and, truth be told, pretty damn evil.  I’m talking of course about The Dark Crystal.  On a side note, I still think that if you’ve made it past your fourth birthday, you should be watching it by now (ehhh just to put spike of horror in your developing mind).

So what was it today that flooded my mind and memories with death, sadness, and Skeksis? A still shot from Taylor Swift’s newest video.

Eerie? Thank you Captain Obvious. The nose, the mouth, the eyes staring off into wandering hope, and even the hair parted the same around her ear....

This is not Taylor Swift; this is Kira.  I know this is Kira.  I have seen what happens to Kira as she tries to help save the very world she knows (SPOILER ALERT!  She gets shanked in the chest).

CONSPIRACY THEORY ALERT!  If The Dark Crystal was released 7 years before Taylor Swift was born, maybe the movie wasn’t mere Hollywood entertainment, but a prophecy of what’s to come, and here is the living, breathing version of Kira in our world!

Fuck.

We’re leaving our fate in the soft hands of a young, psuedo-country singer.

Animal Nature (I Dare You To Stick Your Hand In This Cage…)

When you mindlessly stick your arm into a tiger cage, what is the best outcome you’re expecting?  If the number one answer wasn’t “only having your arm torn off” then maybe it’s time to sit down and rethink your absurdly risk-taking lifestyle.  For that matter, why does the public seem shocked when the tiger does manage to grab hold of said arm and turn it into an industrial-sized kitty mouse toy?  It seems to be society’s fantasy that once any of these bears, tigers, killer whales, or any other of the naturally aggressive creatures of the world are put into zoos, then they must instantly become nice cuddly animals to take photos of and throw cotton-candy at (ever seen a lion with a sticky, gum-like substance in it’s hair?  Hilarious… I would imagine…).  How else can the public outcry be so off base when one of these animals realizes you’re skirting dangerously into its territory and you’re now capable of becoming their bitch?  If you’re a circus performer and you voluntarily position your head inside a tiger’s mouth, then you better have your final affairs in order because the only stunt in this scene is performing a real-life experiment to see if the laws of Darwinism took a short lunch break with this 700lb beast.

Mmmm another idiotic human... Just wait 'til we force you out of there

What’s worse is when the public outcry post-Darwin-Award winning incident demands that the ferocious animal be put to sleep for killing one of us precious humans.  Aren’t there plenty of us around?  Carlin would think so.  In all common sense, which you know I’m an avid fan, everyone should have thought about this situation for one logical moment and understood that the animal is doing nothing outside of its ordinary life.  It’s the born and bred hunter, and guess what, you’re the one left running for your life.

Feb 25^th some odd years ago

The Color Spectrum

The color gray can be made if you spin blue, yellow, and red together really fast… however, what you ate for dinner gets regurgitated in an elegant brownish-red when you’re drunk and are dared to start spinning in circles.  This surely must be due to the lack of blue food in your healthy, daily diet, and in no way attributing to the bile acid content in your stomach.  There’s your challenge for the week, be the first with gray vomit (naturally, photographs must be taken as proof of your skills).

The Controversial Argument Against Political Correctness and Diversity

I generally loathe political correctness to the core. Although, is it possible to “generally loathe” something given the radically different nature of their definitions? Regardless, I’ve been seeing race, discrimination, diversity, and similar issues being discussed on multiple blogs as if it’s the annual time of year for introspective reflections on society and culture. Instead of commenting on these other posts one-by-one, I figured I should share the beginnings of these thoughts all in one common place.

Political correctness is nothing more than a means to still single out people by their differences, but with a sugar coating designed to mask the underlying discrimination. As long as people describe each other as something other than “another person”, then we will always do a double-take in believing that we are all equal and the same which only further promotes the feeling of inequality. We can observe that everyone has a different shade of skin-tone as well as other distinguishing features. In a non-discriminatory world, we may be described by these features, but we won’t be labeling them. As soon as we add monikers like African-, or Asian-, or Indian-, or White, etc etc we’re collectively singling people out (interestingly and obviously, most of these tend to refer to locations which is not a trait of that person, but that of a place we also once gave a name too).

The word “diversity” itself represents nothing more than an shortsighted acknowledgment that

The Long Overdue Acceptance And Recognition- Round 2

I have a blog. That was an obvious statement. I still hate the word “blog” due to it’s bubbly and slightly pretentious pronunciation (in my personality-acute ears). I also rarely get straight to the point of a post, but alas I’ve been mindlessly putting off this acceptance speech for a few weeks now since being twice awarded the Versatile Blogger Award as well as my second Liebster Award all in one fell swoop (it’s a perk of being continuously amazing and sarcastically egotistical). Most recent thanks, respectively, to FrugalistaBlogDotCom, I’m Not Famous And Neither Are You, and still one of my favorites, EyeLaugh.

First, there were two back-to-back awards of the

I'd like to thank the person that one time gave me a thing that made me motivated to pretend to be confident in rickety bridge bungee jumping but luckily never had the opportunity.

 And then there was my second

...you have to admit, one of these looks like it's been sloppily created on Word (hint: mine is the slippery one from my first award acceptance)

Now onto the huge meat of my package, and by package I mean the Versatile Blogger Award’s mandatory list of 7 things that you might not have known about me, but should because there’ll be a oral test at the end so I hope you’re taking notes. And if you are getting an uneasy feeling, get your mind out of the strip club gutter (there’s only enough room for one of us at a time).

1. I over analyze pretty much everything, most commonly when reading into what people say or their body language.
2. Because of #1, I may often second guess my actions. I do not approve of this… which kind of boggles the mind.
3. I watch stand-up comedy videos (or live, if have the option) more often than I watch TV or movies.
4. I’ve spent seven years enrolled Virginia Tech finally settling with a BS in Industrial & Systems Engineering. I’m not ashamed about the number of years spent and often mention it in other articles that I’ve been linking throughout this list item.
5. I’ve also received a Geosciences (Geology) Minor because I simply liked playing with rocks and minerals, and ended up starting a collection.
6. Had a 2yr band 3GM, own electric and acoustic guitars, own drums, own bass guitar, own violin, did two Bob Ross style landscape paintings, made some other more abstract paintings, created and sold jewelry for a while, and I’m always working on landscape/city photography.
7. Above all, I’m one of the nice guys. Sounds weak, but you’ll enjoy it.

And as per my duties to nominate others blogs, I shall, but I may not be handing out the number suggested (15 for Versatile and 5 for Liebster). These chain awards fulfill their duty to bring at least a little more web traffic a site, but to be honest most of what I read in the Humor tag (my primary loitering hang-out corner) is stuff I’d find in the outdated pages of a Reader’s Digest. That is to say, content that I don’t follow or subscribe to. I don’t promise laughs by any means, and I’ll take criticism, but there’s many a blog that I find to be nothing more than a lighthearted dinner-table discussion about what cute thing some kid did that you perceived as a funny story. Tell me something intriguing; something that’ll make me truly think for a minute for an experience that’s unlike standard television. To this note, here’s my nominees:

The Versatile Blogger Award goes to:

Steps To Success: Part 1 – Ignoring Others

Our first “Steps to Success” program will be about how to generally ignore somebody.  However, please note that this should only be done as a last ditch effort… you never know when you might need to borrow their blender to make after-work margaritas on a Monday.

1. Don’t answer your cell phone when they call.
   1. If you accidentally answer your phone, tell them you’ve really, I mean really gotta poop and that you’ll call them back later.
   2. Never call back later.
2. When they try to leave you voicemails reminding you to call them back, never delete them so that eventually your voicemail box will be full and they won’t be able to leave any more pesky messages.
   1. Don’t worry, you’ll still answer the phone for those friends you’re considering giving the time of day.
   2. They may try to be extra sly and call you from a different number.  At recognizing the sound of their voice, start speaking your sure-to-be-non-stereotypical version of Chinese for five straight minutes until they hang up.
3. When they begin

Lightswitch Force

I think if I had The Force, I’d primarily use it to turn off my bedroom lights once I’m all snuggly tucked in bed.  Throwing my shoes at the light switch is starting to make dents in the wall.

Shaming The Weak

I like this idea all belligerent assholes have of “shaming” the first person who passes out at a party, and I feel that George Carlin would agree.  Common practices require a minimum of five crudely drawn phallic depictions on or around the face while simultaneously arranging the subject in a suggestive position as friends mercilessly take pictures for proof of a good time.

I see shaming as a minor form of Darwin’s Survival of the Fittest; “Let’s teach ’em a lesson for not being able to keep up with the rest of us.”  He who has a low tolerance shall be preyed upon.

Just one of the thousands like him any given Friday night in a college town. Take notes, kids (hide all of the permanent markers before you start drinking because, let's be honest, you're still going to drink)