What To Say … Stream of Conscious Yet Again

2012/08/23 Leave a comment

Hmm…. three or so months after not writing a thing.  What to say… it’s about as awkward as seeing somebody in the hallway in your office that you generally acknowledge but have nothing more than a nod and a “Hey, good day, huh?”  Should we act like we’ve seen each other in the hall recently?  Like I’ve been an ass and faintly acknowledged every one who has shown any interest in my past writing.  I’ve checked into a few of my favorite old WordPress blogs over these past few months to see if … shit, distracted again.  Maybe it’s because I’ve lost a certain type of motivation to writing or maybe it’s because dinosaurs are roaming in my mind begging for a chewy, yummy bacon strip.  I’m not sure, but I do know that these Velociraptors keep eying me from across the bar and their unibrow can only keep me entertained for so long.

What have I been up to?  Saving the world, of course.   I mean, if I’ve previously named this site ‘For Better GENiUS’ you could only assume that I had some legitimate stake in providing to the world…. penises rule the world… wait… those weren’t my words.  This particular person staring over my shoulder named Journey decided that big ol’ dicks had to rule the world… and wow… sexist isn’t she?   Not even giving credit to her own kind.  Pigs.  I just snorted like a pig and I’ll admit it. Maybe it’s because I like bacon… I think I already said bacon once this post, maybe not, but who’s keeping track?  Not me.  I had some other idea there but as this is a stream of conscious post I cannot … I lost it… again.

Here’s an eye. Because Batman said it’d reduce crime, or something. I wasn’t really listening because that voice is tantalizing in it’s odd, deep way that makes you question whether or not he should be the one doing movie preview narrations.

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Smells Like Foreign Smells

2012/08/22 Leave a comment

In surely the most diabolical scheme of a artistic madman since the kid who put cherry bombs in the elementary school toilets back on that day that you remember that prank, somebody is now taking the time (and your money) to sell you canned air.

image courtesy of Yahoo! News

I should sell a patented paint can opener specially designed to open these air cans.

*#$(&#!  I opened the lid too far and let all of the $10 foreign air out.  Now coworkers are looking at me funny as I’m wildly sniffing everything around me to breathe in this precious gift before it blends in with our stagnant, boring work air.  I want to open my own brand of Movie Theaters From Around The Globe themed air cans where you’ll get that unmistakable popcorn-cooked-in-the-office-kitchen-microwave smell without the annoying hassle of kernel shells stuck between your teeth and gums. Read more…

Eight Pairs Of Judgement

2012/05/21 4 comments

For all the men reading this post, I’m going to let you in on a little secret: the girl that keeps glancing at you from across the bar (because you’re practically staring at her without blinking and she’s kind of getting creeped out) didn’t wear her best curve-fitting, matching outfit to impress you or any other guy tonight.  Women dress up more for the accepted opinion of other women rather than the accepted opinion of men.  I’d like to believe that guys do not typically care what their buddies wear out to the bar; that is unless one of them is supposed to be your designated wingman and he’s looking like resident bum, Carl, from the back alley on downtown U Street.

As I’m writing this post, I can’t fully immerse myself in this idea since I’m vaguely aware it’s even a problematic situation.  There’s an unseen social peer pressure existing in her clothing choices that has been transparent to my eyes (if I say is something is “unseen”… can it still be transparent?).  A typical college-aged girl has already learned how to flaunt her figure to catch a guy’s junk* regardless of her outfit, but first she has to consider the group of girlfriends she’ll be going out with.

*I would have said “a guy’s eyes,” but I finished the last sentence with that word. It’s bad form… in my eyes. 

picture found on dnliving.com

He’s been actively undressing her in his mind all night anyway, so she won’t need to try very hard to steal his willpower.

If she’s a reasonable, middle-grounded modest girl, not too much of a vain attention whore, but not so quiet people forget she’s in the room, then she won’t want to be appear as the “ugliest” out of her group nor the overly dressed.  Guy’s may have their non-discriminating wingman lined up on the carrier deck ready to make a strategic pass targeted at the “ugly” girl so his flight leader can snatch the good one without any distractions (I went way too far into that analogy).  Unless you’re feeling some female blue-balls** and are dying for sex, Read more…

Somebody That I Used To Know

2012/05/05 1 comment

Wait, who was it I used to know? I feel like I had to know someone that I can’t remember now. Did you know him? I think it was a him. Something in my mind is telling me there was some facial stubble, maybe a little dark, but then again circuses couldn’t thrive without the bearded lady. Oh that bearded lady and her trickery. She is tricky. Maybe. I don’t know, but I’d like to imagine she is so I don’t get caught up in her bearded Ponzi schemes. She should be punched in the dick.

Whatttt is this guy talking about?

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The Common Sense Party: The Nutella Law

2012/04/27 9 comments

Yet again I am baffled by the sheer idiocy and greed that runs rampant in our country. However, let it be noted that I get this feeling, on average, twice a day after sifting through Yahoo! NewsI’ll even permit you a free skip-my-ranting pass and allow you to scroll down to the end for my proposed Nutella Law.  Our culture has brazenly accepted what the rational man would deem frivolous lawsuits.  There seems to be no end in sight until we’re all broke as we pay higher taxes to fund court decisions that reward ourselves for finding loopholes in the definition of personal responsibility in this circle of stupid.

I will repeat that last point because you all aren’t listening hard enough.  That’s right, I clearly said listen harder to these written words.  Get your ear up next to the screen so that maybe in the act you’ll realize this is illogical and from that we’ll build our foundation into common sense.

Again, we will all be broke as we continue to pay higher taxes for all things taxable so that we can fund these court decisions to reward our selfless individuals for finding loopholes in what is considered personal responsibility in our circle of stupid.  As I previously mentioned, this category of daily ranting could be updated, well, daily thanks to lawsuit news alone, but I, as a semi-sane and nice person myself, would end up huddled in a corner clutching my knees and crying for the downfall of human civilization if I had to write posts like these all the time.

Coincidentally, his name is also Geoff and he is also crying over the pain of all humanity. Look it up if you don't believe me.

So what caused today’s anguish?  One friggin’ California mother and the lawsuit she won against Ferrero, the makers of the chocolate nutty goodness that is Nutella, because her lack of intuitive parenting skills the company’s marketing of Nutella allegedly led her believe that is was a healthy dietary choice for her four year old.  Read more…

Saturday Night Stream Of Conscious … Not Posted On Saturday

2012/04/20 2 comments

I need to write more.  I don’t know why I haven’t been writing more.  I do know that I wanted to write “idk” before I wrote “I don’t know.”  That’s probably because I’m used to the iPhone phrase shortcuts auto-correcting my txting-speak.  See where this world is going?  To an efficient end, that’s what!  You thought I was going to bring up the decline of our worldwide intelligence due to sub-par reality television, school budget cuts (for whatever reason politicians thought this was a good idea to save the economy by generating even dumber kids), and, as this topic demands, the introduction of cell phones.  Actually, how many of you reading this can even remember a day when there weren’t cell phones?  I personally hope that the majority of you just puffed up your chest and stuck up your nose in age defiance that, of course, you can remember the days before the cellular machine when life was inconvenient but you could ignore somebody easily without wondering if clicking Ignore on your phone would tip them off that you simply didn’t want to talk to them.

I need another drink.  And my butt itches.  I’m not quite sure why Read more…

Subconscious / Dreams (One Week Before April 16th, 2007’s VT 32)

2012/04/17 1 comment

(Read my Prelude to this narrated dream, pre-April 16th, 2007 VT 32 massacre, before continuing as it explains a great deal more and why this particular chapter/post has always bothered me)

April 10th, 2007

If you and everyone around you were in immediate danger, where do you see yourself? Do you imagine you would find yourself running away with the pack or standing up to protect them?

I often have dreams that put me up against the worst kinds of moments. I like to believe that the decisions I make, and the way I act in these dreams, is how I would be if these defining momenst of truth occurred in my life. Of course, I do not wish harm on anyone and do not wish to personally experience the roughest situations, but maybe it is good to have a little mental preparation.

The most recent testing dream I have had involved shooters in a public setting. Now, I know there were two main causes for this scenario. The first is seeing the movie Flight 93 about the passengers that took back control of a plane on September 11th and me wondering that if I had been in that situation, would I have done the same. Secondly, and more relevant to this particular dream, was sometime in the past few months clicking on a link to a horrific video that I wish I never clicked on.

This internet video was filmed from the point of view of grainy security cameras in a school, with an audio overlay of frantic phone calls to police. The camera’s focus was on the two gunmen lose in the school. There were some community comments on whether this video was real or whether it was supposed to be a reenactment of historical school shootings like Columbine. We tend to not believe horrors when we see them. Denial is the first stage of grief, after all. Regardless of its authenticity, I honestly stopped watching after the first person hiding under a desk was shot point blank multiple times. Unfortunately, at this point in time, I’m not the best at being fully able to illustrate what thoughts and feeling surged through my mind as I was watching the video. However, I can say that as time elapsed in that video, you will definitely lose any sense of the ‘nothing can hurt me’ and ‘ignorance is bliss’ feelings you might have once held in comfort.

My recent dream was basically reliving what I saw in this video, except that instead of currently sitting at my computer, I’m in the crowd running deeper into the library, jumping over couches and chairs, and trying to find the quickest and best way to hide from the gunmen trailing behind. Lying on the floor and breathing heavily, this is when and where the decision to act is made.

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