Home > The Daily Rant > The Common Sense Party: The Nutella Law

The Common Sense Party: The Nutella Law

Yet again I am baffled by the sheer idiocy and greed that runs rampant in our country. However, let it be noted that I get this feeling, on average, twice a day after sifting through Yahoo! NewsI’ll even permit you a free skip-my-ranting pass and allow you to scroll down to the end for my proposed Nutella Law.  Our culture has brazenly accepted what the rational man would deem frivolous lawsuits.  There seems to be no end in sight until we’re all broke as we pay higher taxes to fund court decisions that reward ourselves for finding loopholes in the definition of personal responsibility in this circle of stupid.

I will repeat that last point because you all aren’t listening hard enough.  That’s right, I clearly said listen harder to these written words.  Get your ear up next to the screen so that maybe in the act you’ll realize this is illogical and from that we’ll build our foundation into common sense.

Again, we will all be broke as we continue to pay higher taxes for all things taxable so that we can fund these court decisions to reward our selfless individuals for finding loopholes in what is considered personal responsibility in our circle of stupid.  As I previously mentioned, this category of daily ranting could be updated, well, daily thanks to lawsuit news alone, but I, as a semi-sane and nice person myself, would end up huddled in a corner clutching my knees and crying for the downfall of human civilization if I had to write posts like these all the time.

Coincidentally, his name is also Geoff and he is also crying over the pain of all humanity. Look it up if you don't believe me.

So what caused today’s anguish?  One friggin’ California mother and the lawsuit she won against Ferrero, the makers of the chocolate nutty goodness that is Nutella, because her lack of intuitive parenting skills the company’s marketing of Nutella allegedly led her believe that is was a healthy dietary choice for her four year old.  I can’t even comment on these proceedings for fear that my rational mind may explode from ever assuming that judges would begin to take a stand against the bullshit of these naively “misled victims” and their representatives for wasting the court’s time over someone’s inability to personally care for the well-being of their own child regardless of what any outside force imposes on them.

Anything paired with milk, bread, and flowers must be good for me!

I often make references to my ideal Common Sense Party, which brings me to my final point.  If we are elected to lead and reform our once great nation, we will propose the Nutella Law:

Any person or persons who bring forth a lawsuit that undermines the seriousness of our Judicial Branch through a blatant misunderstanding of personal responsibility formally permits each taxpaying citizen of the respective regional court system (city/county citizens for the local courts, nationwide citizens of the federal courts, and so forth) to publicly annoy said lawsuit plaintiffs with wiffle ball bats until they comprehend that their personal greed is proportional to the decline of economy and standards of living of their peers.

This kid is up first for the Nutella lady.

Think you can take a few thousand whacks to your shins before stop making a mockery of common sense?

For more ways that society irritates me, check out The Daily Rant.

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  1. Rich Crete
    2012/04/27 at 5:20 pm

    I’ve been a proponent of an intelligence test before breeding is permitted. That would solve lots of problems.

  2. 2012/04/27 at 8:42 pm

    I read about the Nutella lawsuit today. We’ve become a society of witless ninnies. Terrific post!

  3. 2012/04/27 at 8:46 pm

    The Nutella Law, eh? I like it. I’d vote yes for that law.

    So, was this woman unable to read the nutrition label? Or did she really think that something made out of chocolate and friggin’ peanut butter would be in any way a healthy choice. She’s probably the type of person to keep her kid on a leash at the grocery store, too.

    God bless America, I guess….

    • 2012/04/27 at 9:47 pm

      hahahhahahahA. That reminds me of seein a person with a lease for their child … That was around his little feeble neck as he rode a tricycle. Some people just deserve to be beaten

  4. 2012/04/28 at 10:48 am

    Say what now? Nutella ISN’T healthy?! I suppose you will be telling me pizza isn’t a vegetable next…

  5. 2012/04/30 at 2:38 am

    Well what about that whole “caution, coffee is hot” thing at McDonalds? That’s what started this slippery slope of idiocy. Well, that and the devil talking to you from the tv screen. Or was that Jerry Springer?

  6. 2012/04/30 at 8:40 am

    Truth be told, the McDonalds case is one I don’t often consider in this realm anymore. Originally I referenced it the same, but after studying it in Ethics and Business Morality we found out that that particular coffee machine had been malfunctioning for some period of time with neglected maintenance where it was brewing the coffee I believe about 140 degrees hotter than it should have been. She still spilled coffee on herself and sue others, yes, but I do like to provide this detail to the case.

    Luckily for us, there is a daily source of selfish assholes for us to use as examples.

  7. Arcstarq
    2012/04/30 at 11:38 am

    I feel that her mistake came about when she realised that nutella is best served with nothing but a spoon.

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