Home > Random Ramblings > A Day In The Life Of Silverware

A Day In The Life Of Silverware

The sound of my computer mouse gliding across this old, disgusting mouse-pad has started to make me cringe like a fork on a plate.  Is it common for a fork to cringe when it’s lying on a plate?  Yes, in fact, it does… because the fork saw two knives spooning together.

For the most part, forks are monogamous.  At least in public admission, forks attest that only one knife at a time should be allowed to stick it’s long, pointy tip in-between the slender legs of a fork.  You rarely see a fork allowing two or more knives to work their way back and forth through its legs at the same time.  However, sometimes you’ll find a whole cabinet full of knives intently watching as two forks begin scissoring each other in aggressive fashion.

We’ve accepted this.  Fork on fork action is first encountered at a childhood age and is still an active occurrence seen whilst sitting with bored adults at the dinner table.

And we’re back to forks cringing on plates to thoughts of slippery knives sloppily spooning together.  Up front you’d think knife spooning wouldn’t be possible, as the shape of their handles and blades don’t lend well to this traditional idea of spooning.  Instead, let your mind imagine knife spooning more as the equivalent to the intimate relationship between the numbers 6 and 9.  Especially soft-edged butter knives all slyly sliding their way up against another knife that is minding it’s own business, and then BAM! there’s the butter knife’s handle rubbing up and down your face.

Cover you child's eyes... little Billy is too young to see something this graphic

As for spoons, nobody quite understands how they got into the kitchen drawer aside from an early desire to eat soup without the scalding liquid spilling down the front of our shirts.  In fact, a few spoons are in the middle of the intensive, metal utensil-change surgical procedure because they want a new role in life, but the public at large uses sporks for nothing more than comedic material.  Everybody spoons, but we’re not sure why.

After enjoying a peaceful rest with night-terror visions of  dancing sporks and intercoursing forks, sooth your thoughts will a healthy dose of FBG’s Random Ramblings.

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