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One-Upping Dr. Evil

For years I’ve been planning out how I could one-up Dr. Evil at the next Evil Genius Convention. After all, since I’ve been in the instructional field for better genius, I’ve never mentioned which moral direction we’ve been headed and Evil is always a potentiality. As a tasty bonus, these conventions have some of the most creative cupcakes, and it’s been proven in men that cute little cupcakes bring out the most sinister hatred even before the sweet frosting touches your lips. Maybe it’s a fight for maintaining masculinity and cupcakes trigger an urge for world-domination.  I bet if you find Hitler’s journal you’ll see an entry about having an exquisite German cupcake right before invading France.

Historical Evidence

Anyway, due in part to radioactive genetic mutation during the splicing of sharks and adorable plush toys, I’ve developed a new predator of the deep blue. Oceans will tremble under my new fearsome minions as all foes are trapped in it’s gaze like a deer in oncoming headlights. To mock Dr. Evil by modifying his line as if it were my own, all I’ve ever wanted were frickin’ cyclops sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their frickin’ heads.

CREDIT: Pisces Fleet Sportfishing and Yahoo! News

Pure evil... don't let that smile fool you

Now if only fishermen would stop catching my baby cyclops sharks I could make some progress on holding the world ransom. I might need to revert back to Plan B (aside from keeping away infants) and start cloning Yetis to carry on my evil rampage but now I hear Russians are finding my Yeti lairs too. Can an evil genius not catch a break around here?

If you must ask, I’m currently wiping crumbs of yellow fluffy deliciousness off my shirt from a dainty little blue and white iced cupcake. I can feel the rage swelling within.

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  1. 2011/10/20 at 7:02 pm

    by the wayside, if you click that shark picture, you’ll be brought to the article… which WITHOUT WARNING YOU’RE STARING EYE TO ONE-EYE WITH A CYCLOPS SHARK. don’t stare too long, b/c he’s staring through your soul

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