Home > The Goofy Book 3: Writing Experiments > Ch. 16: Organic Pixie Dust

Ch. 16: Organic Pixie Dust

The revolution of the up and coming Health Fairy is at hand.  She’s fairly new to the fairy game when compared to the Tooth Fairy and the slutty Tinkerbell (we all know that after Peter left she liked to get off on the Hook and turned those Lost Boys into men… although I’m not exactly sure how the biological physics of those acts took place, her being extraordinarily tiny and all).

Anyways, on a subject that doesn’t directly involve converting your childhood Neverland memories into various levels of perverted tiny flying people porn, the Health Fairy’s public relations specialist is working around the clock to get the Health Fairy the recognition she deserves for all of her hard work that has, until now, gone unnoticed.  Whenever there has been a starving fat child on the playground in desperate need of proper nourishment, she has come along to conveniently deliver a delicate balance of wholegrain fiber and vegetables… which the kid repulsively avoided and died shortly thereafter.  It’s hard to appreciate the deep moral of a senseless story without some level of tragic sadness.

The way I figure it, there is enough health concern these days that it won’t be long until parents start telling these stories to their own little nitwits.  If the good little children eat the right fruits and veggies every day, then the Health Fairy will visit them in their sleep and deliver a rich healthy future!  They won’t ever develop obscene obesity after the fortunate and timely appearance of their guardian Health Fairy [this is speculative], but they will still be required to consume twenty vitamin supplement pills daily along with overpriced, organically labeled junk foods.  Boy oh boy, I can’t wait to find this load of Health Fairy bullshit under my pillow.  Bring me a delicious cookie.

And now onto a food that I love that loves to secretly kill me one bite at a time.

  1. Will Bailey
    2011/08/08 at 7:50 pm

    Health Fairies are not to be confused with Wealth Fairies, who deliver compounding interest to your umbrella corporation if you make sound investments.

    • 2012/01/05 at 11:59 pm

      or the Stealth Fairy who stabs you in your sleep… also known as a ninja with wings and glitter

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